Final five, people! FINAL FIVE! Of course that means it’s time for the Tim Gunn Wakeup Call, because we haven’t had one of those this season, and we need to showcase the fabulous Manhattan apartment building that is this season’s Atlas to fulfill our product placement deal, right? Tim clapclaps (👏) and escorts our pajamaed designers up to the rooftop where the creative director or whatever person for Lexus is waiting. No, they aren’t going to design looks based on Lexus cars as they have in the past; they are going to drive around New York in chauffeured Lexuses and get inspiration for a “street look”.
Maybe it’s because I live on a rural mail route (really: I can get postage delivered to my very mailbox using a special orange “rural mail” envelope), but I had a hard time understanding what a “street look” is meant to be. I was expecting it to be something the chicest person on a given city block would wear, or super-urban, or involve a cardboard box, or something. But no, it’s something inspired by stuff ON the street, that city people might wear. Apparently mostly a day look, but I am not altogether clear that that’s required.
How is this different from past seasons where designers would be sent out to photograph inspiration from Manhattan itself – architecture, specific neighborhoods, stuff they see on the street? This time it’s so vague as to comprise any and all of those things, or so our designers seem to think, because they go off to get inspired by graffiti art (Wart), a store window display (Mary J. Blige), and a Sikh guy in a white caftan (British Bill Rancic). Our remaining two designers, Pat Benatar and Pono the Pencil Gnome, take a lot of great photos but that was just for fun because they already know what they are going to make – Pat’s making a giant hoodie, and Pono is doing denim, because that’s his thing, you know.
After a trip to Mood it’s back to the workroom they go for a nice, measured, civilized afternoon of cutting and sewing and generally getting along famously. You know that ain’t gonna last and it don’t! because morning dawns and when they return to the workroom they are confronted with mannequins wearing five auf’ed designers’ losing looks. These include the Indian girl’s pink onesie and Blossom’s Fifty Layers Of Wool look from the last episode. The button bag allows each designer to choose their crappy losing look to rework, and they do, with Mary J. choosing the Fifty Layers because it comes with “a lot of fabric”, and Bill Rancic getting stuck with the pink onesie. Tee hee!
But it gets WORSE, because the looks also come with the losing designer! Which means Mary J. Blige is going to have to have Blossom as her assistant – oshit! Oh, and you can tell Blossom is not only absolutely sniveling to have to be here at all, she’s now pitching an absolute tantrum at having to be Mary’s underling. She doesn’t wanna, she won’t, and Tim can’t make her! And: he doesn’t! Doesn’t even blink, just tells her adios and brings in Overbite to replace her (but the Fifty Shades of Wool stays, don’t be fooled). Blossom slams through the staging areas, snatching her purse and ripping off her microphone and making ABSOLUTELY SURE everyone knows how MAD she is. B-R-A-T that spells Blossom. Don’t let the Workroom door hit you in the ass on your way out.
So finally it’s work time. The second look doesn’t have to have anything to do with the first or be anything much of anything other than not what it started the day as, it seems. This is Bill Rancic’s jumping off point to make the pink onesie into a pink cropped long-fringe jacket and matching shorts (what?). Mary J. is going to take all this fabric and make a boring black dress, because she’s never done boring black. Wart has Sprocket’s TV electricity dress and is making it into something two piece involving a bib. Pono picked a long-forgotten designer’s nothing-special red full-length gown and is making it into the Halston inspired long, lean and fabulous look it always should have been. And Pat Benatar… well, Pat’s too absorbed by her hoodie to give a shit how this second look turns out. She’s bought a very Kohl’s looking black-and-blue (WHAT IS WITH THE BLACK AND BLUE?) poly-looking print fabric to make a new skirt, she’s adding a shoulder, and that’s it. Ruh-roh.
Our guest judge this week is someone I don’t know from a show I don’t watch. Her name is Shay Mitchell, and alls I know is she was once dressed by Brad Gorecki for an episode of “It’s A Brad, Brad World”. He was all excited about it which made me excited for him until I started to think “wait – what? Who?” Which I am doing again today.
Wart’s boho maxicaftan is a big hit. The judges love the color blocking, the draping, the cutouts, and the fact that it’s incredibly sexy even while being a giant loose bag. Nina Gahcia WANTS it. No one really likes her madeover Sprockets dress, if you can call it that, but it doesn’t really matter. Wart is in.
On the other hand, the judges loooooooove Pono’s made over gown – it’s flawless – but are less sure in the altogether of his street look. They adore the trench, which Tim Gunn was worried was too Michael Kors, but think the skirt is too much, and I agree. It just doesn’t lay well under the trench nor do they complement each other well. Nonetheless the craftsmanship is superb. Pono too is in.
I think Nina and Zac are going to pass out over British Bill Rancic’s white ensemble. It’s SOOOO CLEAN. And so very modern, and Yohji Yamamoto, or Jil Sander, or something like that. The pink fringe getup is ridiculous, but he knows it, and when life hands you a pink onesie you make an adult pink cowboyette costume, or so the thinking goes. Bill is in.
They are kind of eh about Mary J. Blige. They like the color/print pairing in her street look, and like the skirt and yet its overdone. They hate the pocket. The redo is terrible. It doesn’t fit (unless the model is needing to carry a colostomy bag) and it’s just booooo-ring.
Also not going over well is Pat Benatar, which surprises me. I kind of like the hoodie even if it is rather sugar glider; Nina does not. Heidi likes the unitardy thing underneath which Nina does not. No one likes the Kohl’s Mother-Of-The-Bride dress, especially Nina. Nina is killing her softly.
Actually, Nina is killing her altogether. In a slightly shocking move, the judges save Mary J. Blige and auf Pat Benatar, who says “dat’s cool.” She’s totally blasé about getting eliminated this close to Fashion Week, but then again she and the other last-four-eliminated designers all get to do their own shows anyway so what difference does it make? This is where things have gone wrong with Project Runway; in trying to keep the final designers a secret they let more than half the group show anyway.
Next time: it’s the finale, peeps! I’ll be posting my recap late because I am off for some Mexican beach time tomorrow! Ole!