From an “American Girl” challenge to a “girl off the street” challenge – they just aren’t letting up on the non-model-model challenges, are they? Yes, it’s another “real world” challenge in which our remaining, Indian-girl-free designers are tasked with finding a complete stranger out in Washington Square Park who just happens to be available for the next three days and make her an outfit. A makeover outfit, no less. So they have to convince a stranger to go down the road that has provided others with pure public humiliation without insulting them in the process. Good luck, people.
Luckily for this remaining group, they all have tact, something that has eluded many before them. VEN and Chinless Fatneck I am looking at you. So off they go. I really have to wonder how this works: did Production pre-clear a reasonable number of available, functional adult women to be available in this park so that the designers have enough options to find at least ONE, like a scavenger hunt? You kind of have to think they did, logistically speaking. And everyone does, although British Bill Rancic finds his last, standing around the center of the park like a deer in the headlights until he winds up with the most attractive gal in the bunch – ho! What a lucky break!
Pono the Pencil Gnome was the first person to land a model and is immediately regretting his choice as his model turns out to be a bit of a hippie lulu. And Pono doesn’t design for hippie lulus. He’s shattered. He’s struggling, and uninspired. Until!: Pono remembers that he’s a genius with denim, and hippies love denim! A jacket and dress in contrasting denim it shall be.
Another designer who is struggling is Overbite Guy, although he has no idea anything is wrong until Tim Gunn stops by and informs him that what he’s working on is “one of the most hideous garments” Tim has ever seen in his “entire existence”. SHAZAM and POW. Mouths gape. Silence descends, holds, and clenches. Overbite Guy just did not realize that his green houndstooth tweed crop-top-and-circle-skirt combo looks like it has been drenched in the green snot from Ghostbusters. What he thought it looked like I cannot begin to guess, but I saw snot and clearly so did Tim.
Everyone else seems to be humming along and feeling reasonably confident, whether or not such confidence is misguided, until the unthinkable happens: in literally the last seconds before runway time, the black girl’s model accidentally runs her zipper right off the track. Black girl sort of freaks out at her, then looks to Tim in a blind panic. He’s been her savior once before, will he do it again? Tim considers the fact that this is a schoolteacher off the street, not a model, who will have to strut the runway pants-free, and reflects on the hell that hath had no fury like a humiliated person-off-the-street in previous season challenges. Tim decides to ask the designers if it’s okay to give the black girl ten more minutes to replace her zipper. They agree, and are immediately bitter en masse about it. What do they care? She’s not going to knock anyone out of the top nor butt-bump them down to the bottom, anyway. (Frankly, if they said no, I think the judges would take greater pity on the whole situation anyway.)
So after a ten minute wait that is greeted with great theatricality by the judges, it’s runway time. Our guest judge is Michelle Monaghan, who is more familiar than many of our recent judges to me.
And away we go!
Safely in the middle this week, after all that consternation over just asking a girl out, is British Bill Rancic. No surprise as his look was probably the most middle-of-the-road, but also the only look I’d actually wear. Without the sweetheart bustline, preferably.
Top is Blossom, Pono the Pencil Gnome, and Pat Benatar, redeeming herself admirably after last week’s pogrom fiasco. The judges like Blossom’s look for the craftsmanship that went into it; apparently leather jackets are her “thing”. I appreciate her work but do not love jackets like this and love blue-and-black together even less as we well know. And I find the skirt wonky. And the styling unflattering.
I’m also somewhat alarmed by Pono’s ensemble; the denims do not work together in the right way for me (although I realize the risk of going Britney-n’-Justin is far too high when working in denim-on-denim), the skirt shape makes his gal, who wasn’t that big, look enormous in the caboose, and there’s a whole lotta boobage hanging out. This is supposedly for a “first date”. That‘s a date I’d like to see on The Singles Project.
Pat Benatar’s flamenco costume is wackadoodle but also totally appropriate for her eastern-European artiste. Some people do wear things like this and her girl is one of them. It’s well and thoughtfully made. But Blossom takes it and her head gets THAT MUCH FATTER in the process.
Our bottom are: the black girl, Wart, and Overbite Guy. The judges are just underwhelmed by Black Girl’s peplum jumpsuit shorts suit. They don’t think the length is appropriate (even though the client appreciates it), and they just don’t find it all that inspired or well-made. I hate the peplum. Who likes a flounce on their ass, other than Kim Kardashian? I just do not understand peplum. Zac says it looks like a tap dance costume and it TOTALLY DOES.
Next time: it’s a team challenge and the designers have to craft looks from
Wart and Overbite Guy’s looks are straight out of Modcloth. Have you ever ordered something from Modcloth? I did, once. It was one of the less retro looking things and I thought it would be a cute simple A-line dress for the office. WRONG. It was so short it could only fit in office porn, and the fabric was so painfully cheap I could hardly wait to stuff it back in the box and delete all future emails. Wart’s Modcloth look is further accessorized by a cheap-looking vest. NO. Overbite Guy’s is ill-fitting, unflattering, and horribly styled. Although at least he removed the snot trails. This is really difficult, if you ask me, but the judges and I agree that Overbite Guy is not working out here. For me it was the oxfords he put her in. If he’d picked better shoes this might not have happened this way…
Next time: it’s a team challenge (so late in the game!), and they are going to have to create looks out of crap found in old storage containers. Eeeeeuuuwwww.