I flailed on getting last week’s PRAS4 recapped, even though I was down two kids and one husband for the weekend. Gearing up for in-law season took precedence. Sadly, Chris March was eliminated in a competition themed around Wicked; you’d think that would be his challenge to lose, but he just seemed sad and uninspired (and, also, demoralized by the fact that the judges lumped him in with Tortured Soul, whose side-table fluffball was really abhorrent). I mean, I didn’t like the ridiculous petticoat any better than anyone else, but above the knees I actually thought his dress spoke “wicked” better than the average among the others.
I share Chris’ sadness and lack of inspiration over this season. It’s just lame; blah personalities, and not one designer whose aesthetic speaks to me. Maybe I’m too old-lady but I have a whole category of fashion in my mind that I think of as Lucky magazine; cheap looking, mashed together, disposably-trendy Chinese-manufactured junk with too many details and doo-dads. I just don’t care for it. Ironically, I ordered something from somewhere months ago that for reasons I don’t understand earned me a complimentary subscription that not only started showing up at my house along with the equally-loathsome Glamour, but in the process somehow screwed up my always-anticipated Vanity Fair subscription. It’s still a problem, and oh, the angry emails I have sent to Conde Nast. Anyway, I feel like there’s too much Lucky magazine happening this season. I’m not feeling it.
So on this week’s episode the challenge is sponsored by Zales. Nina Gahcia and a very, very stiff and awkward guy from Zales meet Sam Micelli to present the terms: $100 to create a ‘party dress’ that represents the designers’ past, present, and future relationships. No black or white allowed. Winner gets a $10,000 Zales gift card and a $15,000 diamond pendant from this three-stone collection we are promoting. (In the midst of all this a commercial comes on for Zales featuring diamond jewelry that somehow vibrates. Weird.)
After a trip to Mood it’s back to the incredibly ugly Parsons building to get going. The Ukranian Ice Dancer is popping his vinyl-and-neoprene cherry today, although he doesn’t appear to be engaged in any relationship past, present, or future, and furthermore his orientation is more than a little ambiguous, no? Deaf Guy makes Zanna Roberts Rossi cry with the story that he never thought he could be loved for fear of being a burden on someone until he met his partner six years ago, who went out and learned sign language for him. Sigh. Fabio, on the other hand, is in an open relationship. Zanna questions whether that can actually work, as do I. Fabio needs to watch Eyes Wide Shut and reconsider.
Both Mullet and Tortured Soul split with the partners met on their seasons’ finales; Mullet is now moved on and engaged to a new person, whereas Tortured Soul remains tortured, and alone. And Ruby is now married to her preschool fiance. Zanna questions whether she is knocked up upon sighting the babydoll dress Ruby has underway, as I have; Ruby notably fails to answer. Hmm. Oh, the twisted web our designers weave…
Runway time! Our judges are the blogger behind Who Wore What and Seth Aaron Henderson, winner of PR7 and PRAS3, who receives golf claps. He’s nice enough.
Zales is so pleased with their work, that everyone gets $1000 gift cards. Oooh ahhh! Mullet, Deaf Guy, Purple Lips, Rick Astley, and Fabio (who looks like he just got off work in the rice paddy) are safe. Top three are the Ukrainian Ice Dancer, Purple Lips, and Tortured Soul.
Gotta say, I am not feeling any of these. Aside from the fact that I think use of red is trite. I don’t like the Ice Dancer’s on principle, because he is far too fat headed about himself. I want to like Purple Lips’, really I do, but it’s like a mother-of-the-bride cocktail dress over a happy hooker costume. The only thing I like about it is the back. And Tortured Soul? EGADS. It’s a frown, folks! A literal frown because her boyfriend broke up with her. I don’t recall her being the least bit nice to that boyfriend so maybe that’s why. That or those hideous pointy nails. God, I hate her. But she wins. PFFFFTTTT.
Bottom three are the Albino assassin from The DaVinci Code, Gunnar in his floral jumpsuit, and Ruby.
It strikes me as so, so wrong that I can find so little to divide the top from the bottom this week. The judges just hate Albino’s handkerchief hem. I don’t think it’s that bad, but whoever said it’s too much between the straps and the chains had that right. Overall I don’t mind Gunnar’s dress but the judges are 100% correct that the sewing is majorly wonk. (And: more red. This whole episode is like an American Heart Association Go Red For Women luncheon.) But Ruby…. oh, Ruby. How have you not learned better this being your THIRD go around? She didn’t even finish the skirt and left a limp condom hanging down the side. It would have been better as baby doll than as great-grandmother-of-the-bride. She’s out. I still think she’s knocked up.
Next week: we’re going to London to meet Fergie and do a Paddington Bear inspired challenge. WTF?