Reunion time, people! And it isn’t looking good for Ms. Tammy seeing as she’s alone on the left couch with Heather Dubrow. Mr. Andy goes to Vic (in the middle over in the right couch) first, as is the custom, and as he greets her Tammy is shooting major eye daggers at her. Oooh, burn! The big news is that Vic is thinking about buying Andale’s, and Lizzie used to date Nick Lachey, both before and after J. Simpson, but if you read any gossip magazines or websites you knew that.
Let’s talk about tonight’s looks, shall we?
* Heather got bangs cut during hair and makeup and is in a wine colored shift. Not her color.
* Tammy is wearing Barbie pink and looks OLD. And more like Ryan every day, thankfully save the pubey beard.
* Shannon, who arrived with her hair wet in a towel and no makeup on, is now in a hot pink peplumy cocktail sheath with real-looking diamonds. Makeup does a lot for that woman.
* Lizzie is all Lizzed up in a yellow and cream strapless things from the TJ Maxx prom department. She’s just too much everything. And her skin looks really rough.
* And then there’s Vic. Tonight the grande dame has decided to grace us stuffed into a red lace super-deep-cleave cocktail sleeve. Her giant fake mammys look like a butt. Also, her neck; to paraphrase Nora Ephron, I feel badly about her neck. Face and hair look okay, though. Being mooned by Vic’s boobass is going to really bother me.
So Mr. Andy kicks things off by asking about the junior set. Tammy basically completely dismisses Ryan’s relationship with his babymomma as an act of two desperate fools who met on Instagram at vulnerable moments in their lives. Also, he basically met her and moved away two weeks later. Well, how are things going now? That would be the telling fact. Not a word.
Vic is still crying every day that Briana moved away. She has been to visit SEVEN times in less than three months. Briana shows up on Skype with Troy and the new baby, Owen. She’s hanging in, and the freezer full of food Vic left behind helps. In related news, all of Oklahoma now hates Vic, which is fine because she hates Oklahoma back.
So let’s talk about Shannon Beador and Heather Dubrow, shall we? Heather explains immediately that she felt marginalized when Shannon met Vic n’ Tammy, who were already excluding and picking on her, so she was ridiculous, prickly, and sensitive, and overblew the chair thing, and owes Shannon an apology. WELL! Shannon appreciates the apology but points out that it’s “Heather Dubrow’s thing” to repeat something over and over again until all the world can do nothing but believe it as true, which is what she did to Shannon, and she kind of needs to lay off doing that.
Shannon also thinks Tammy throws a whole lotta fuel on Heather Dubrow’s fire. She feels that the way Heather dressed her down at the hoedown for her lateness was “punitive”, to borrow a Heather Dubrow phrase, but Tammy’s really to blame for pointing out to Heather that Shannon was late in the first place. The left couch – Tammy and Heather – both acknowledge Shannon did not actually yell at Heather at her Christmas party, while Shannon now acknowledges she wishes she never stood up to Heather on Tammy’s behalf in the first place. “She has a right to her opinion,” snarls Tammy. WHOO. Looks like Heather Dubrow is backing right off and clearing the way for Pile On Tammy Time, and we’re not even 15 minutes in.
So for reasons unclear Mr. Andy changes the topic to Vic. The segue is apparently “forgiveness”, and whether/how the parties involved in last season’s Donn2 audiotape “beat that bitch” fiasco have forgiven and moved on. I think. Vic says she didn’t forgive easily, but Donn2 really genuinely felt badly and made a mistake so she did ultimately forgive him, which sounds pretty easily to me. One person she’s not forgiving too easily, though, is Tammy, apparently for not liking Donn2. Tammy jumps in to cry that she never brought Donn2 up herself, that she’s agreed to accept him if that’s what Vic wants but she doesn’t have to like him and doesn’t and THAT’S HER OPINION!!!!!!!!! I think Tammy has been eating Kelly Bensimon’s gummy bears. “I didn’t say he’s a low down piece of shit con artist!” she shouts. Except she just did. Shannon likes that LDPOSCA because he “lights up” Vic’s eyes. So there.
Time to move on to more awkwardness, this time the ugly between Dr. Terry and Mr. Shannon, who have both lost about 25 pounds and look great. Mr. Andy asks why Mr. Shannon sent Shannon The Email and Mr. Shannon says sometimes he finds it easier to express things in writing, which Heather agrees is often the best way. Shannon pipes up that getting The Email was the worst thing that ever happened to her, until she was betrayed by Tammy who called her a “sad soul”. Tammy, who “stirs things up” and makes up crap about the Dubrows wanting to take the Beadors down and says Shannon drinks too much. Tammy continues to insist Shannon drinks too much, but let’s be honest, if we had to hang around Tammy for weeks on end we’d all drink too much.
Mr. Andy asks about the night Heather threw Shannon out and again, here’s Heather backpedaling furiously and insisting she now feels terrible that she was so wrapped up in herself, that she feels terribly sorry, but that throwing Tammy under the bus is where she would have drawn the line. A semantical disagreement over whether Heather kicked Shannon out or invited her to get out ensues. Heather apologizes again, and Shannon points out that this is where they differ; Shannon accepts an apology the first time, whereas Heather seems to require repeated efforts.
Back to Tammy for a minute, as the “take down” comment pops up. “There’s the truth and there’s the goddamn truth,” says Shannon, declaring that either Tammy made the whole thing up or Terry actually said it. Vic concurs that Tammy told her about it, too. Tammy starts shrieking that Shannon drinks and twists things, which is when Lizzie pipes up that no matter what was going on it was super weird of Tammy to bring it up as a discussion topic in front of a table full of people who were all going to melt down over it. DAMN. Shannon and Lizzie are way too smart for this shiitake.
But we’ve got to keep postponing the best pile-on-Tammy stuff so Mr. Andy brings it back to Dr. Terry and Mr. Shannon and how Dr. Terry lost his bananas at Vic’s Balinese dinner party. Dr. Terry, backpedaling himself, says he didn’t hear the spread-em crack at the hoedown but heard about it later and the comments made by those throwing Mr. Shannon under the bus made the crack sound so much worse. Also, he thought Mr. Shannon’s apology in front of others was “grandstanding”. Funny, Mr. Shannon thought it was a sincere apology at the first opportunity to give it. He meant the crack to be funny (which it clearly was, but also in bad taste), and HE found Dr. TERRY to be scary angry at that dinner table. Which he was.
Dr. Terry tries to explain his belittling “construction guy” comment as being intended to complain about construction guys who catcall, not to belittle. No one is buying it. Oh, and by the way, Mr. Shannon is a big hot flirt who asks Vic what color bra she is wearing. Shannon finds this unsettling. Mr. Andy then asks Dr. Terry and Mr. Shannon if, in conclusion, either of them finds their behavior with regards to the other regrettable. Dr. Terry does, in fact, regret his tone, his outburst, and getting all riled up. Mr. Shannon fires back that like their wives, the difference between him and Dr. Terry is that all it takes is one apology and Mr. Shannon is over it.
Next time: we’re ramping up on Tammy and her ugly, black heart. Cheers!