Like Lisa Whelchel, a.k.a. Blair Warner of “Facts of Life”, I am a huge “Survivor” fan. (Unlike her, I did miss a lot of that season in Thailand when the soft-porn star won, because I was occupied with my wedding and honeymoon and never got into it. I have, however, seen every single episode of “The Facts of Life”. I do think the first season when Molly Ringwald was on, Tootie was always wearing her skates, and the one girl was contemplating letting her boyfriend Roger have his pubescent way with her was my favorite.) “Survivor” was the first, remains the best. The granddaddy of them all, as they say.
Last night I watched with my mother, who commented that she thinks the people who do this show are nuts. I totally disagree and would totally do it, except I am sure I would end up the first “Survivor” fatality, probably in some freak encounter with a deadly centipede. I’d also have to get Lasik first which is completely not happening. Not even if they give me two Valium.
I am not going to be recapping “Survivor”; I am strictly going to share my observations, hopes, and dreams for Blair as she navigates her way through the murky social and literal waters of “Survivor: Phillippines”. When she’s done, so am I. In the name of moms over 40 and all people who grew up in the 1980’s, I want Blair to take it all!
Blair starts the show in a yellow top (how convenient! how unexpected! yellow top, yellow team!) with a big smile and contagious enthusiasm. She doesn’t look a day older than the final episode of FoL, and I love her for it. I also love that her skirted swimsuit looks to be Lands End. So modest! So relatable! I am not the least bit surprised that Blair is good at puzzles. I’m not expecting her to be super-speedy, but she does look strong, and seems resourceful. She’ll be useful around camp, pull her weight in challenges, and not boss people around. And God is her co-pilot. To quote Ashford & Simpson, we’re solid! Solid as a rock!
Right now it looks like Blair’s biggest impediment is RC Cola, the investment banker with the big haboobs and the wide selection of yellow containment devices. RC Cola is not nearly as smart as she thinks she is, and has dismissed Blair out of hand as an excessively sweet Jesus freak. HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT RECOGNIZE BLAIR?? What if she was wearing a t-shirt with Charlotte Rae on it, would she recognize her then?
Blair’s biggest asset is obviously Michael Skupin. They are cut from the same cloth, I suspect. They’d actually make a very cute couple, although I am well-aware both are eternally committed to their marriages and spouses, as they should be. I am merely observing. I also think Skupin is strictly humoring RC Cola – his commitment to her “alliance” was little more than “yeah, cool, good luck with those knockers, fool” – and secretly plans to team up with Blair. Unlike Skupin, I think Blair is smart to see where the cards lie before she really engages. How can you make alliances before you even know people’s names? A handful of idiots do it every season and it never works.
You know who I think is her next biggest asset? That totally hot bartender Malcolm. That kid seems like a smart cookie and I am sure knows who Blair is. When one team (Blue, it looks like) shrinks enough that they merge to two I want Malcolm and Blair to end up on the same team. They will go all the way. Especially if they get to stick with Skupin and the sex therapist.
Next week Blair looks sad. Shake it off! Let Jesus take the wheel! Until then…